My concept of turning 20

I woke up around 6 am, I opened my eyes and there I was, staring at the sealing, the sun was shining through my windows, but don’t be deceived, it wasn’t hot outside. 

Biggest joke the country has to offer.

I tried to sleep off the pain, but my system doesn’t allow me to shut down when I already open my eyes. 

I felt the pain ease in slowly. 

I knew it was going to be there, I just didn’t know it was going to be so brutal and so physical. 

Physical it sure was, but unlike a real wound, you can’t touch it, squeeze the pain. It’s there’s but you can’t do otherwise but to live with it. No painkillers can heal this kind of pain. I turned 20 in my bed. Alone. I turned 20 without my mum. Yes my dad was there and thank God my sister was too. But my mum wasn’t. I had already turned 18, 19 without her. And now 20. My special number. My special number that was meant to be a special birthday as well. 

The fact is that I wasn’t where I expected to be by that age. I’m a very ambitious person, but I tend to give up or let go when things are not moving my way. 

By 20 I was seeing myself living in my own apartment, not in France preferably and to at least be doing my first year of masters. I also wanted to be in a serious relationship and to at least have started my first business. My close friends were everywhere but in Paris and on top of that I was broke. 

After spending half of my day crying I decided that I was better then that. I went to shower and my lovely super duper annoying sister made me a chocolate cake, I received a lot of happy birthday calls, texts , wishes and a lot of love. My dad and my sister gave me a common birthday present. And my mum called me to bless me and to apologise for not being here. 

I then wore my super sexy ass dress that I bought, hoping to wear it outside … inside 😂 and I went to see my neighbour. She has kids that a absolutely love and a baby boy that was barely 4 months. If you offend me, I’ll forgive you as long as you put a baby in my hands and cook chicken for me or a banana cake (That’s a secret to touch my heart). 

My day didn’t go one bit as planned but even though I started my “new year” crying, I definitely finished it smiling. I was deceived by some people not wishing me a happy birthday or being too shallow compared to how I was on their birthday, but that’s just one other example of the fact that people don’t necessarily value you the way you value them. 

From that day I started hearing a lot “Jessica you changed” or “You forgot about me” well people … nothing lasts forever ! 

I also realised that people don’t take it so well when you do to them what the do to you. 

That’s how I spend my first day in the body of a 20 year old. My year went much better and I believe that 2018 is going to be a successful year for me and things are going so well to be honest, so I can do nothing but thank God.  My idea of turning 20 was very different from reality, but I’m alive and healthy and thats all that mattered. 

PS: Don’t be fooled by what you see, what happens inside is usually very different.


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